More Alike than Not

You’ve probably heard me tell many stories about my mom…and maybe a few about my dad. To say my dad and I have a strained relationship is putting it mildly. When I was younger, I was just angry about it and blamed him. How could you miss that birthday party and dance recital? Why are you such a bully about me doing well in school? Why can’t I do what my friends get to do? Why aren’t you more like other dads?

Most of that is normal kid and teenage angst. But there are distinct things that make my dad my dad, most of which has to do with the way he was raised. And after my experience this summer, I realize more than ever parents are winging it. I knew it intellectually before but now I’ve had the experience. It becomes a interesting crossroad of not wanting to be your parents and ending up being your parents. Of wanting better for your child and trying really hard not to let your stuff interfere with their growth. It is thus far the hardest part of the human experience I’ve ever been a part of.

I’ve tried very hard to not be my dad. To be more about a person than their accomplishments. To be freely happy for people. To be more affectionate. To actually make a living doing something that I enjoy. But the more work I put into this, the more I realize I’m more like him than not. This may be a function of age. I see him through adult eyes now and see him as a person who did better than his parents but still probably defaulted to what they taught him. It’s all we can do.

This realization doesn’t undo decades of arguing. But it’s a start to making peace. And a reminder that my past does influence me but I get to choose what I do with it….and keep doing my own thing.

 

What are you doing for Thanksgiving?

If you’ll be in town, I’m teaching a “Before” class.

Before grocery shopping. Before you start cooking. Before your company arrives. Before you leave town. Come practice!

8 am, Wed. Nov 26, Yoga Masala, $5 only!

 

 

 

 

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